What does fear look like?

This week I'm going to Chicago for a long awaited medical procedure. I woke up this morning and let fear of the upcoming week take over.

See those two lines between my eyebrows? Fear left its mark.

I went straight to some prayer partners and found comfort. I was given several verses that I will pack with my other trip essentials. Here's one from my friend Cheri:

 

Isaiah 41:13 (NIV)

¹³ For I am the Lord your God
    who takes hold of your right hand
and says to you, Do not fear;
    I will help you.

Then I got dressed and I later realized the significance of the shirt I chose. It's a t-shirt from one of my favorite videos by The Skit Guys. It says "Original Masterpiece" on the front and "God doesn't make junk" on the back. How about that? With all our imperfections! We're still a masterpiece and I am reminded to go into this week with confidence, heart and faith.  

You are an Original Masterpiece too!

 Here's a little background and what's in store for the week:

I've been dealing with MS symptoms since 2003 and I've had steady progression. I live with chronic pain and a plethora of other typical MS symptoms but my most pressing issue is the lack of functioning in my right leg. I respect the disease and I've slowed down a good bit to listen to what it's telling me but I'm still an active mom and volunteer who loves and embraces life. It's not in my nature to be passive.

I'm one of the healthiest sick people you may ever meet. In fact, I just had my physical and the doctor was very impressed with my numbers. It looks like I should still be running marathons! This isn't by accident. I work at it! I could teach Dr. Oz a thing or two.

Back in 2009 the work of Dr. Zamboni hit the presses. Many well-meaning friends sent me links to news articles on this CCSVI condition that could have some link to MS. I immediately felt a sense of hope. It wasn't and isn't presented as a cure but a treatment that can provide relief. But then came all the doubt, skepticism, differing opinions and lack of scientific studies to back it up. I thought it sounded interesting but I gave in to all the skepticism and decided to wait. Since then my mobility has become much worse. Recently I met someone who had the procedure and it renewed my interest. I delved into the research and found several places in the U.S. now doing the procedure (before people were traveling to India, Mexico, etc). I was impressed with what I found. A couple of months ago the FDA came out with a warning about the procedure and then I was faced with more doubt and confusion. But the pieces fell into place and I'm going to give it a whirl.

Life is full of uncertainty and risks. You wouldn't believe some of the potential side effects listed on the medical drugs I'm taking (and I'm only taking two drugs at the minimum doses - an injection and one for spasticity). Thousands of people have had this procedure done and many are reporting positive results. It's a roll of the dice but heck, what do I have to lose?

I chose this doctor in Chicago because he's very reputable in the field. My husband Greg would love to come with me but someone needs to hold down the home front! My sister will be my partner in crime. Watch out Windy City, here we come!

I am comforted knowing that I'm going into this week with a lot of prayers and encouragement. I would love to have your prayers too. 

Below are the details for the medical procedure. I would appreciate it so much if you would take a moment to pray over them.

Tuesday, July 24: Fly out of Atlanta to Chicago, meet my sister who is traveling from Texas, take a taxi straight to Rush Hospital for a 2 PM Ultrasound (the diagnostic tool) and consultation with Dr. Arslan.

Wednesday, July 25: 11 am CCSVI Procedure

Thursday, July 26: 8:30 am follow up appointment (another ultrasound and visit with Dr. Arslan) and fly back to Atlanta later that day.


Prayer draws us closer to the light and helps us to march on even when we're scared. Thank you for the prayers!  

Psalm 27

Of David.

¹ The Lord is my light and my salvation —
    whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the stronghold of my life—
    of whom shall I be afraid? 

I know what fear looks like. Fear is dark and ugly but a part of us. I have the lines between my eyebrows to prove it. But God doesn't make junk, remember? Lines and all!

A Peach is Worth a Thousand Words

It's been a great summer for peaches! And since I'm on this huge veggie and some fruit kick, well, I'm eating a lot of them. Peaches always bring back fond memories of my grandmother. Is there a food that brings back a memory for you?

Mmm. . .Peaches

My Mom's mother scared me a little. She could be quite stern. She often sat at her dining room table, chain smoking More cigarettes, drinking coffee and reading from one of her many books of family genealogy. She could go on for hours about our family history. Way before the days of caller ID we would reluctantly answer the phone to avoid the litany of our great heritage. You would think we were royalty. In fact, when the grocery store clerk would ask grandmother for ID after writing a check,  she would reply in her wonderful Charlestonian tone of superiority, "young lady, do you know who I am?" Well, it worked. Everyone but my grandmother had to show ID.

She paid her dues faithfully to the Daughters of the American Revolution and could tell you anything about the war between the states (you knew not to call it the Civil War - "there was nothing civil about it.")

When we were younger we called her Granny. Well, one day she couldn't take it anymore and she set us straight. She was NO granny! She was GRANDmother! When granny became grandmother that's when I knew to always take her seriously. But even in her most serious moments she might just be joking. You weren't quite sure. Like when she encouraged us to "snitch" a piece of bacon while breakfast was cooking. Or giving little ol' me a cup of coffee and letting me fill it with lots of cream and sugar until it was just right. 

Grandmother had a caring and sentimental side peaking through her often stern demeanor. Like the time I gave her a pencil for Christmas. She always kept it in a special box on her desk and made me feel like I gave her fine jewels. She adored her sister June and named her only child, my mother, after her. Also, after my parents divorced, she always sent us home with bags of groceries. We never went home empty handed. She loved her animals too. Her Chihuahua was way too good for dog food. She boiled chicken for her spunky, oh so loyal little dog. My grandparents also had a chicken house and she knew how much we loved playing with the baby chicks.

I remember my grandfather Pops as a tall and strong but gentle man. He loved to ride us around their property on his lawn mower. We would walk through the Muscadine groves and eat them right off the vines. And we would sit on the swing outside for what seemed like hours. These memories remind me of a simpler time. When it was okay to just BE. Sometimes I wonder if he was a little scared of  my tiny but mighty grandmother too. 

Sadly, my Pops eventually aged and was too sick to be at home. He went into a nursing home. 

And THIS is where the peaches come in. Grandmother would cut up a large serving bowl of peaches and sprinkle them with sugar. They were so delicious. We carried the peaches to the nursing home and spoon fed them to my dear Pops. The nursing home was very sterile and smelled like a nursing home. The halls were lined with elderly people, some with their hands fastened to their wheel chairs so they wouldn't hurt themselves. They were so happy to see us children and motioned for us to come to them. It felt like we were there for hours visiting with these elderly who were starving for a little attention. Oh, I hope those sweet peaches brought a little joy to my Pops.

Every time I see peaches, every time, I think of my grandmother. My siblings and I spent a lot of time with grandmother and it wasn't always a barrel of fun. But I cherish the sweet memories like this.

I think I'll go eat a peach. 

Notice my grandmother's hair. This was her signature hairdo. Always with two long braids pinned on top of her head.